Same… but different.

It’s been over two months since we hauled our lives across the world to a tropical island in the Caribbean Sea, and I feel like it’s been much longer. Perhaps because in truth we have been moving all year. Like waves, one change after another has washed over us in 2016 and now finally, with only one more house move to go in the next few weeks, I feel like the time is approaching when I might finally be able to stop paddling madly and lie back and float for a while, maybe take in the view.

When you move your life, you have to find a way to move your whole self along with it. In order to do that you adapt. You seek out the parts of yourself that will cope with the unfamiliar aspects of your new life best, and you rely on them. The landscape of who you are hasn’t changed – it just looks a bit different. You’re the same person, but you’re dusting off different parts of yourself, blowing away the cobwebs and holding them up to the light, working out how to repurpose them for this newness you’re living. It’s interesting – so I wanted to stop, take stock, and write the changes down before they become just the new normal. Read More »

Back2School for the Teachers

In a few desperately short weeks, my first baby will be donning the cutest little school uniform and heading off to Kindergarten for the very first time. My feelings about this are a melting pot and I’m sure that as the day dawns an emotional blog post is bound to come pouring out of me. But this week, as the summer weeks stretch (and stretch) out, I’d be lying if I said a small part of me isn’t looking forward to the predictability of the school week – to an externally-imposed routine we can shape our days around, a place for my daughter to go and be exposed to stimuli and influences other than my own. To share just a very tiny bit of the weight of shaping her growing and insatiable mind.

This has got me thinking about the teachers. Oh teachers, you are marvellous and amazing. As I’m preparing to shift a little bit of the childcare at the end of the school holidays, they are about to do the opposite. Many of them are parents themselves, and after a period of full-time childcare they are preparing to go back to their jobs – to educate and stimulate and care for kids other than their own. Read More »

My Little Woman of the Future

To my darling little woman of the future,

We have been learning about crossing roads, you and I. We are very particular – even if there isn’t a car in sight we will not go until there is a green man.

Yesterday we were waiting at the pedestrian crossing, your hot little hand in mine, and all was well with the world. “Green man means go!” we said in unison when the light changed. “Mummy?”, you said as we started walking. It was your thoughtful tone. The one that always tells me A Very Important Question is about to follow (like, “What colour are dragons?” or “Why doesn’t the sun melt the moon?”).

Then your three-year-old self said this: “Why is it never a green lady?”Read More »

To My Father, My Hero – On Father’s Day

In the beautiful speech he gave on our wedding day my dad said, “I wonder if you will ever know what a pleasure it has been to be your father.” It was a moving moment that, thanks to his wonderful gift with words, everybody felt, and I will never forget. And yet – I did know. I knew, because my dad made sure I did. Every day, he made sure I knew he loved being my dad.

My childhood is filled with memories of early mornings at the kitchen table as he read to me before school, horsing around the living room rug at night, and weekends in the pool as he threw us up in the air over and over and over again. Read More »

That Beautiful Fear

“Making the decision to have a child – it’s momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking outside your body.”
– Elizabeth Stone

Somebody sent this quote to me after Annabel was born, and oh! – how true it is. Since the day she came into our lives I have know fear – real, bone-chilling, heart jolting fear that takes my breath away – on a daily basis, and I think it’s been one of the most challenging things about motherhood.Read More »